It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You've changed since you got that strap on
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
