She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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