i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
