Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
