I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why is there bacon in the couch?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
