I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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