Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
