My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
worst night to have a conscience
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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