y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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