It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I pour the whiskey from now on
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
