Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he wants to bone in the snuggie
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
