i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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