I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
