Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
