What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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