We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
