p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
