She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
