I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
