Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
