I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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