I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
