New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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