Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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