well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
