Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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