No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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