you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
