420 ftw
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
