I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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