bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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