We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
