My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
