I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
