I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
