There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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