We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
