What did we do last night that was yellow?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
