Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
