She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
