Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
