I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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