So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
