if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
