I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
