They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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