he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Blood and glitter go together right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
