As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
