Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
