I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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