Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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