Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
