The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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