There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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