His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
