rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
should my penis look like a turkey
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
